I was high. It was a good high. Post the book launch for How to Enter the Art World, seeing my illustrations in fluorescent orange in print, a recce to the Lakes for my new short film, and a run of small creative excitements that all added up.
When I get manic the first sensation that kicks in is a feeling as if my head is burning. As if I have a cord from the top of my head to the universe. Then colours separate, as if I’m on acid, every yellow shining independently - everything connected. Then I stop sleeping; and if not controlled, flights of ideas and pressured speech become my psychosis of choice.
Ok, so I am bipolar, highs can be good and I am also nervous of them. I know the blue that descends after the high. It is on the horizon, and I know exactly what it feels like. So controlling the high is essential, not just with quetiapine, the most excellent sleeping medication - boof you are out - and also an antipsychotic, belt and braces. I know that what helps to bring me down is as little stimulus as possible. No running around like a bat-arsed fly trying to get the next cultural kick. Not so good for a creative boost.
I concentrated on stuff that really helps bring me to a place of peace-ish.
📣 Swimming helps
If you want something that really makes you dig deep physically and therefore your head can just rest. Do check out Terry’s hard core training on a Tuesday night at Parliament Hill lido. At no point can I think about anything other than swimming. This calms my busy brain as I think fists, fists, fists, and then kick, kick, kick - your mind stops and feel your body stretch.
And check out Catch, digital swim training - wherever you are - that increases strength and style and reduces thinking space. Invaluable for the 24k Finnish swim I did!
📣 Gardening too
Getting my hands in soil. Taking time to make the right size hole, watering plants, chatting to them and finding them the right spot. More than anything, getting out in a garden - anyone’s garden - helps. This is my tiny patch, with tayberries growing and a mulberry tree in a big pot in memory of my Mum, who loved a juicy mulberry and juice running down her chin.
Pruning roses or olives ( I have two featured here given to me by my Mum) is a wonderful way to calm the mind. Weeding at this time of year brings gentle pleasure and I have to be mindful otherwise I pull out the good stuff.
📣 Listen
Famesick by Lena Dunham
Whilst gardening I like things that will educate me and also to keep me on an even keel.
Listening to Lena Dunham read her memoir Famesick, brought my preoccupation with my own mental health into perspective. I have not had my womb out, dealt with endless criticism and exaltation, not good for anyone. I felt huge sympathy. I was also, if I am honest, occasionally bored. I still listened to the end. It is at the end where Dunham seemingly finds herself, and checks her needs, makes some good choices, instead of the endless truly terrible ones, and I felt happy for her.
I love Lena Dunham and hated the oh so smug sighing on BBC Radio 4 culture programme Front Row, who pronounced unanimously that really she says too much and is just too open with no filter. Thank goodness someone is able to say it like it is and tap into their neurosis and be honest about the depths of their pain. Give me that over superficial trills.
Wisdom in a World in Crisis: Counterintuitive Need to Slow Down and Find Spaciousness with Iain McGilchrist Podcast
In stark contrast to Lena. I listened to two academics talk about the importance of the imagination, that life is a gift and a mystery to be embraced. I will have to listen to this again as it was intense and spot on. I particularly like the discussion on the distinction of the words ‘knowing’ in French - savoir and connaiter. Savoir - knowing by facts and connaitre knowing by experience. That AI knows by analysis but doesn’t know by the knowledge of acquaintance, context and meaning.
Also in relation to my loud honest speaking Lena D. McGilchrist talks about the importance of emptiness that creates a fertile space where something can grow. Like a womb can grow life, or in my view, maybe not having kids gives you the space to grow other endeavours.
This American Life - Episode 886: Blackout
I have always listened to This American Life. It gives you views on other worlds, beautifully told. I wanted to feel connected with somewhere else as I gardened mundanely and safely in West London. Here I could connect to a myriad of voices describing their experience in Iran. Living without the internet, what this has done to orders for a pizza restaurant, the divide between those who are pro the current regime, and others who fear that they may never have the internet again. Or you might be able to get it if you support a pro Islamic regime. The sound of fear and the sense that everyone is just trying to manage, and connecting with family elsewhere is impossible. One Iranian described it as breathing through a straw.
This is 90 million people held hostage by shutting down the internet and yet we get to experience a tiny piece of their resilience and bravery.
📣 Cook
When I feel high I lose my appetite. Perfect Ozempic and no cost. As someone who really needs to eat, otherwise I become insufferable, I have to work on it.
This is a lunch I made just for me, self love and I got the eggs from a local garden/farm that I helped at. Payment: the freshest eggs, a hug with a hen and salad leaves straight from the polytunnel.
Poached Eggs and Lardon Salad
A box of lardons
2 good eggs
Salad leaves
olive oil, vinegar, salt and pepper
chopped chives if you have them
The key to this is to get a pan of water boiling for the eggs while the lardons are frying. When I have stale white bread, I cut it into small squares and add it into the lardon fry up. When the lardons are crispy, add some vinegar, I like non poncy balsamic and swirl all the goodness around.
Honestly I have never timed my poached eggs, I give them a prod and feel whether they are done. Sometimes I forget I am cooking and then they are not so runny. Apparently the optimum time is 4 minutes.
My rituals are: crack both eggs into a bowl, get the pan of water simmering, salt the water, swirl the water clockwise, gently pour the eggs in. When you get them out with a slotted spoon put them on kitchen roll, nothing worse than a wet poached egg.
Place eggs on the salad, with the lardons and vinegar juices scraped over, a bit of olive oil, a scattering of chives if you have them. Voilà. My own perfect lunch.
📣 Read
Gardens That Can Save The World by Lottie Delamain
One of the best things to do if you are high is to try and read. To concentrate on a book is almost impossible as the mind wiggles elsewhere and the text can jangle. Luckily Lottie Delamain’s explorations of mindful planting, exceptional green places and plants to restore resilience in war torn places, fills my cup.
It is big picture with short text which leaves you wanting to know more about some of the wonderful projects encouraging self reliance that create communities and tell stories about culture. How wildlife, reviving heritage crops, guerilla gardening can restore stability in fractured cities. Creating ownership of abandoned land.
📣 Thank you
To you wonderful paid subscribers.
We did a great West End Art Gallery Tour. My supporters joined me for excellent art in some extraordinary spaces. Below is us at Hauser & Wirth, David Zwirner and Theaddaeus Ropac and us. We enjoyed great chat and a cool cuppa. East End next. I did a recce of my favourites below.
Luckily for you, I felt better last Friday and went on a East London Art binge. I just got bored and need feeding. As someone who works at home and gardens mostly on my own, I needed to get out and chat up.
One of these shows has finished, all of these galleries are worth visiting. I really recommend you start at Redchurch St and then get the no. 8 bus to Bethnal Green. It took me about 3 hours, and that was with lots of chatting to informed gallerists whose name I will shout out so you can get the lowdown on the shows.
What I find amazing about checking out especially smaller galleries anyone who is invigilating knows their stuff and will give you an explanation to understand the work better. Talk to them and they will talk to you. And they are all FREE.
📣 See
Peter McDonald at Kate McGarry
27 Old Nichol Street
Until 30 May 2026
I love these paintings. For their bright colours, a particular palette which smacks of childhood and then you lean in and see these figures with expanding heads going about their daily life. The mundane becomes exotic that heads blend into each other in unconscious discussions. The work talks of art and debunks it. The beautiful print titled “Party” and has a shimmery cocktail - get one if they haven’t sold out.
McDonald’s work makes me feel included, the paintings talk my language and I get the oversized, expanding heads. Thank you Will for the explanations.
A quick walk north
Megan Plunkett - Welcome In at Emalin
The Clerk’s House, 118 Shoreditch High St
Until 9 May, finished a space worth checking out when other shows are on.
There are two galleries, this is the one that is like entering a shaker church. Beautiful alcoves and wobbly floors, this is a new one for me, and the group show at their other site looked interesting too. Anyways, I walked in and was slightly underwhelmed by the photographs, then when you look closely with a little prompt from the gallerist. The photos are of objects turned into ornaments, tied in to LA prop houses and none of it is what they seem.
Through long exposure Plunkett lets meaning gather obliquely, the props become the stars of the show.
Walk over Shoreditch High St
Nhu Xuan Hua - Of Walking on Fire at Autograph
Rivington Place
Until 19th September
I have seen a few of my favourite shows here, including Phoebe Boswell who I interviewed. She explores bodies in water: fluid, joyful, floating and water as a container at Notting Hill and Bethnal Green for Art on the Underground.
This show is looking at similar themes of belonging and alienation. Nhu Xuana Hua was born in Paris, raised by immigrant parents. To compound the communication issues, her father has oral deafness and only communicated in Vietnamese and a self made sign language. The artist with a mixture of fashion and photography, delves into finding a voice from her own history.
Jump on a bus to Bethnal Green
Michaela Eichwald - Mar 1 at Maureen Palley
Until 23rd May
60 Three Colts Lane
This work really grew on me, I wasn’t sure about it initially, and then the more I saw the more I felt transfixed by the brush strokes that create abstract stories on polyurethane fabrics. Often stepped on and hung outside and generally mishandled.
Amalia Pica - Daisy Chain at Herald Street
2 Herald St
Until 16 May
I saw a photo of this in the Herald St newsletter and it galvanised me East to see the daisy chain in real life. All I am going to say is the colours are exquisite the daisies sit with presence and a sense of importance on the coloured wood panels. There is also an interesting film worth chatting with Thomas about.
There were two more excellent shows, which I won’t overwhelm you with. Just to say look out for Maureen Paley’s sister show of sculpted doors representing significant places by the brilliant Fiona Conner, until 16th May and is so worth checking out. Director Lucy Price, made me focus on parts I wouldn’t have understood. As did Erik and Laim at Rosie Easton’s giving me insights into the painting like dreams by Marik Jamal - A Guest is a Blessing, until 7th June.
Lastly for this weekend
If you want a commercial deal and need some eye candy and some political stomping. Here are my favourites from Photo London.
The last one by Tshepiso Moropa particularly resonated, although feeling less high, I register the sense of leaving the earth. Luckily I remember how to ground myself.
📣 Happy creating calmly all
Jemima/MW
Thank you, I
Love the egg salad! 🥚